The Unbaited Cafe is a time-travelling/teleporting, sentient cafe, set up as an american diner.

With the personality of a 13 year-old boy he can become rather temperamental when people insult his food and has been known to teleport away while the complainers are still eating and leave them stranded on an alien planet after stealing their wallets. He employs humans as waiters/waitresses, without need of chefs due to the fact that he can materialize food in a matter of minutes. His signature dish is Dragon Meat and he is frequented by the Spanish Inquisition. He also occasionally visits The Black where he offers coupon vouchers to all his human customers who can't survive eating at The Greacy Cling or Restaurant of Desolation.

It is unknown where he comes from, when he comes from or even what he actually is.